I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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