Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
