i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
