She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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