Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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