i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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