Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
