I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
