So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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