look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
