i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Come on in and take your pants off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
