I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well I just put wine in my tea
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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