Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
