So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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