i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
