I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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