i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
