Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry my hands just texted you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
