It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
