im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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