You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
