I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
