HIV tests are more positive than that guy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
