she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
