Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
