dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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