Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
