Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
