If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
