Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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