My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
