i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
