Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
