Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
