So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
organizing the empties. That sober.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
