if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
