I think i peed on brittanys purse
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
