How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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