he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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