i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
