i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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