Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
