If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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