beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
