Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
