Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
