for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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