She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
