In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
