Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
