Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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