I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
