At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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